Tuesday, November 3, 2015

While I Wait . .

While I wait on what God has next for me I am taking time to really get in touch with my feelings, but only accidentally. It's a long, possibly convoluted, story but I think it bears sharing. I know it is becoming a growing point in my life.
When I divorced my son's father in February of 2002 after almost 2 1/2 years of marriage I felt backed into a corner (unfortunately I was unsaved and didn't take the time to begin fervent prayer for our marriage). We had gotten married November 17, 1999 after living together a few months. I remember the first time I saw him~ he had just come home from church and was on fire for the Lord! I had not seen anyone with that passion for Christ since coming to Illinois in 1996. And he was sooo handsome! Wow  :)
After we were married we lived together until approximately June of 2000 when I was pregnant with our son.
January 10, 2001 I gave birth to Matthew, my 8 lb, 2 oz baby boy. . . my little angel! We did try living together as man and wife again when Matt was a baby, but couldn't resolve the differences in our lifestyles and values.
Recently, so that Matt could get to know his father, I contacted H on facebook and set up so they could meet and talk. Initially all went well and I thought H would be involved in Matt's life. I was wrong. This time he left on his own. Difficult for Matt to deal with, but now he knows who his dad is ~ on many levels.
And me? Well, I have found that I completely shut down my emotions the first time H moved out. All those raw feelings came pouring back with his brief reentry into our lives and I realized how deeply in love I had been with my husband, even though I did not realize it at the time (or not completely anyways).
So, for the last few weeks, I have been waking these old feelings and working through each until I've finally reached the point of fully letting go. I am feeling so much better/lighter for having walked through all these emotions.
I am now free.

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