Well, hello!! Glad to see you again. If you have a moment I'd like to share with you about why I've returned to attending church . . well, Bible study to be exact.
You see, I have been trying to do all our Bible study on my own. After having attended various churches looking for deep serious study and for a church where we could have a feeling of friends and family I had finally given up and decided the hurt was too great. We just never seemed to be judged to be good /Christian enough.
I decided we would only worship from home. For a time this was fine and gave us a chance to lick our wounds and regroup. I missed having a church family but didn't miss the metal on metal refining that is necessary in such a family.
But then, as happens, it became all too obvious that we were I need of more serious instruction . . and it needed to be correct instruction. And so, we decided to return to church~~ not for close friends, but to get sound, solid training.
And, over time, friendships may grow. We will be okay as we are no longer looking for everyone to love or even like us. We are simply looking to become everything He needs us to be.
As I think about our previous church attendance attempts i see several problems we encountered. I think the main one was that I am ultra-sensitive and let the values/opinions of others affect me deeply. Yes, I was there primarily to get closer to God and go deeper into Bible study but I was also looking for close friends and a church family I could trust. People will always be people and come from all sorts of backgrounds /upbringings. We were to imperfect for most churches and too poor for one church. The continual judging (and finding lacking) of Matt and I was more than I could take. Having allowed myself to become so attached made the comments more difficult to keep in perspective.
ReplyDeleteSecondly, I see now that most people don't understand autism and don't really care to. They just want everyone to fit into their neat little mold of how the world should be. For Matt and I this is impossible. God made Matt with autism in order to accomplish a certain purpose. Matt's"disability" makes him different yet so much better than the rest of us, but I digress.
And so now??
Well, after long discussion Matt and I have returned to church ~~ seeking a closer relationship with God. And, if closer ties to people come with that, so be it~~ that would be great to be loved and accepted as we are. If not, we will still be receiving solid Biblical instruction at a church where questions about the Bible are welcomed.
That, my friends, is what counts!!