Where Am I Again....?

Do you ever feel like you're in some weird, zombie-induced, gray area? Where the lines between right and wrong are blurred? 

Well, that is definitely not where I am right now! The lines are so clear! Brutally clear, but in an amazing way... 

And so... I am on His path... and trying to follow His will for my life. Sometimes the instructions are small~ spend more time with Matt. Sometimes big~ get the 'yard' tilled for next season's garden. Sometimes~ "just let go of those who won't follow me."

Regardless, His instructions are always a blessing. 
As I listen my life is more peaceful and orderly. And things I just didn't think I had time/ money for are falling into place. 
Do I still struggle? Yes! Is thee still pain in my life? Most definitely. 
I struggle daily between what I want, the path I had chosen, the path He had me on and the path He has me on right now~ Yeah, It's a huge battle! But, I want Him to say, "Well done", when I get to judgement day, so I do my best to follow His lead. And I fail daily~ in big ways and small. I have to pick myself back up and just try again... and again... and again.
And pain~ pain of rejection for my path, for my past (seemingly caused by the fact I am different, but need to pay for who I was). Pain of having to let go~ 
of former friends
of family
of hopes
of dreams. 
But, in His perfect way, He replaces all I give up with that which is so much better. 
And unshakable faith that He is doing what's best for me no matter how badly it hurts, how hard I cry, how many reject me.