"I'm sorry, Hamish. I can't marry you. You're not the right man for me."

       Simply clear and perfect just the way Alice Kingsley said it!!
       To marry a man where one must change is disastrous at best.
       There are always surprises after one gets married, but going into it knowing you must change for that person to be happy is unacceptable.
        Before becoming serious in a relationship we must step back a bit and assess what this man expects of us . .
~ what does his life consist of? 
~ is he dressy or casual?
~ does he go out a lot or is he a homebody?
~ is he social or a loner?
       Now, how do these answers fit with who you really are? Once married, deep in your heart, you are still going to be you. Even if you try to change to accommodate his wishes, you will still be you. You can tamp it down and lock it in the cellar, but, eventually, the real you will have to exist.
       Better to be honest with yourself from the beginning.